When I got out of bed on the day this picture was taken, it felt as though I was walking on shards of glass. On autopilot, I got dressed and splashed water on my face before I followed my husband, BJ, to the car to take him to work. Every muscle ached in the cold, and my heart sank in the dark morning as I kissed him goodbye and headed back to my quiet apartment. A hot shower eased my tense muscles, but just enough to get myself to work and through the bus route I drive each morning. By the time I got home, the pain had increased, and I had started to shake. I sat down to eat a healthy breakfast and wrapped myself in warm blankets, hoping to level my blood sugar and calm my body. But as the pain coursed through my bones, my body seemed to succumb to the shock of its intensity.
To my delight, BJ got off work early that day. As it happened, our good friend, Kip, was visiting and drove me to pick up my husband, who would otherwise have had to wait for a coworker or one of my sweet parents, to give him a ride home. You see, pain can sometimes be so intense that it demands all of the body’s energy and attention. That was the case this day, and I had begun to feel dizzy and a bit out of touch with reality.
When we got back home, I decided that it was time to take some of the new pain meds I had just gotten from my doctor. One pill barely took the edge off, so I took a second. As the medication slowly kicked in, the pain began to dissipate, and I got dizzier, woozier and sleepier. But I had decided to function that day. My husband was off work early, our friend was in town, and we had planned to have Kip take some pictures of us for an upcoming newsletter. So, I pulled jeans over the screaming nerves in my legs, forced my shaking hands to fix my hair and makeup, and left my cozy bed behind.
We walked outside to find an idyllic photo spot and I grasped my husband’s arm to help me walk straight without stumbling. I could not make my eyes focus on Kip or his camera, but I faced my head in his direction and forced a smile. Snap! Snap! Snap! And there we are. Picture perfect.
“A picture’s worth a thousand words.” And I hope this picture says that I am happy, because I really am. I’m glad you can’t see my hands shaking, or the pain that my smiles hide. I love and I am loved. I know God’s Love, and He has a purpose for my life and for my pain. In everything, I will choose to praise His name, and let Him do His will in my life. But my smile is a choice. It is not meant to deceive, but to redirect. I smile through my pain because I know my God loves me and He is in control. So tomorrow, when it’s hard to get out of bed, give your day to GOD and smile, because He’ll use it well.
